Furniture Spelunking

One definitely cannot say that cat ownership is ever boring. 

By the way, the term, "cat ownership" is an often misunderstood phrase, that in actuality means, "A situation where normally rational, intelligent human beings become grinning, slobbering goobers at the total beck and call of one or more fuzzy-faced feline masters." But I digress...

After a long day of work, often times I enjoy just lying back in my recliner and detoxing for a half hour or so. As much as I enjoy the modern innovation that is the recliner, I never really gave much thought about their internal workings. I pull the lever and magically my head is cradled back and my feet are gently lifted, putting me in a secure and nurturing state softly caressed by supple, motherly leather. Who the hell cares HOW it works?

Cats, apparently.

Normally, they follow me to the chair, hop up in my lap, and veg out with me. On this particular day, they left me alone. All is quiet... no noise... my eyes close... light slumber... the soothing, soft vibration of the built in massager...

>BLINK!<

I'm suddenly wide awake as I realize the recliner HAS no built in massager!

The cats had managed to pull loose one of the upholstery tacks on the back of the chair, pulled open a flap, and have begun spelunking deep into the recesses of the recliner.

Initially, I find this quite humorous, as the motion reminds me of getting up the courage to throw a quarter into that slot in the bed at one of those "economy" hotels.

I then realize that with the cats inside the chair, I can't move. I don't dare adjust the chair, or even get up, for fear of having those revered, mystical cogs and doo-dads that make the reclining magic happen devouring the wombats.

This would be a minor inconvenience at this point, except for one small detail: As is common for the average person just waking up from a slumber, I REALLY have to go to the bathroom.

Have I mentioned that Sandy isn't due home from work for another hour?

After a few minutes of trying to coax them out using the obligatory slobbering, goobery baby-talk (that cats typically ignore and instead just stare at you like you're an idiot), I was rapidly approaching an escalation from "inconvenience" to "crisis". As fortune would have it, one of their fishing-line toys was sitting on top of the table right next to me.

Using this I was able to coax the intrepid explorers from the guts of my chair, thus facilitating my rapid egress from the recliner.

With the crisis averted I was able to return to the chair at a more leisurely pace, camera in hand, to see if I could capture this moment of cat "divan-diving"..

 

 

From Sandy: Face-Off

(Blog entry written by Sandy)

The other night, no sooner had I gotten into bed and pulled up the covers, when Gracey arrived at The Land of Sandy's Face and settled in for some serious cuddle, pet, and purr time before falling asleep. 

When Jack arrived (all of 5 seconds later) he literally stopped dead in his tracks. Then, like the pappa bear in the story he loudly meowed, "Someone is sleeping in my bed!" Gracey just yawned and ignored the incredulous look Jack's face.

Jack was obviously dumbstruck at Gracey's lack of understanding, and quickly decided on a plan of action.  In an effort to assert his dominance over Gracey and regain his favorite piece of territory, he walked up and laid down right on top of her! She was still for a moment (I think in shock at the little bugger's audacity), then she started wriggling to get out. I attempted to intervene but Jack, determined to make his point, kept shifting his body so he could continue to lay on Gracey.

After several futile attempts at a claw free kitty rescue, I finally got Gracey out and onto my other shoulder.  This was all accomplished while scolding Jack through my laughter, yet trying not to open my mouth too much, because I'm getting kitty kisses all over my face from both of them with both motors going at full tilt! In the end, they each found their sleeping spot and were able to scamper off into dreamland drooling on the well kissed face of mommy.

Thank goodness the nights are getting cooler - those two equal one electric blanket!!!

Separation Syndrome and the Great Toilet Paper Massacre

As any cat owner knows, it is difficult sometimes to determine when the kitten-owner bonding period has been of a sufficient time to be able to leave them for a day or two. One always worries what the reaction will be when the kittens are left behind. Will there be severe separation anxiety? Will stress increase due to abandonment issues? Would this result in long-term psychological scars?

And that was just me and Sandy...the kittens could care less.

Anyhow, we took off Saturday morning for a brief, one night get-a-way at Disney. My Mom would be checking in on the wombats the first evening, and then again on the morning we were to return.

Sandy and I had a great time at Disney, though we found it a bit hard to sleep in a hotel room without a mouth full of kitten fur and bleeding ankles.

While we were off frolicking with Mickey The Rodent, "Grandma Sacks" was tending to the kittens, and doing a wonderful job of totally spoiling them in the process (as grandmas are supposed to do). She provided them with extra food (crunchy AND soft), and supplied them with the obligatory new toys that are expertly designed to produce highly annoying noises the moment she leaves.

When Mom checked on them Sunday morning, all was well. Minimal mayhem had occurred. After topping off their water bowl, cleaning "The Box", supplying them with (a larger than normal portion of) food, and a little love and attention, she left.

Jump ahead several hours. Sandy and I arrive back home and enter the house. All is quiet. we drop the luggage, and make our way to the bedroom to assess the situation.

Bedroom door still on hinges? Check.
Bed still in one piece? Check.
Curtains still on the wall? Check.
Kittens waiting just inside the door to greet us because they missed us? ......

>>crickets<<

KITTENS WAITING JUST INSIDE THE DOOR TO GREET US BECAUSE THEY MISSED US?!.....

Nothing. Kittens not in the bedroom.

Ah. Noise coming from the master bathroom. We head down the hall towards the bathroom, cautiously, in anticipation of the excited pattering gallop of kitty feet as they swoop upon us in an excited rush of bloody, ankle-shredding love.

No greeting for us. They are, shall we say, preoccupied.

Apparently during the several hours between Grandma's visit and our arrival home, they treated us to that classic Halloween tradition that has taken place since time began. They TP'd the house.

OK, so technically they TP'd the bathroom. Regardless, they discovered just how much fun toilet paper can be...

....the pleasure of unravelling endless reams of scented, 2-ply, quilted bliss to carpet the majority of the floor...
...rolling around in all that fluffy goodness...
...shredding it into fun little pieces ideal for batting around and sticking in places normal humans can't reach...
...using their water bowl to wet it (thus making a unique, cement-like substance that sticks most effectively to bathroom tile)...

Have you ever noticed that a kitten's face gets more cute the more mischief they get into? I think this is nature's way of preserving the species... (Full size pictures can be found at the link at the top of the blog.)

Spider Kitty!

So, another morning, early. Noticing that Jack and Gracie are still sleeping peacefully on Sandy's face (>snicker<...have I mentioned that's really funny?), I quietly sneak into the bathroom and shut the door, in order for me to get ready in a calm, kitten-free zone (at east for a short while). 

Shower, shave, comb hair, brush teeth (nice being able to enjoy the minty freshness of Crest and Scope without the oh, so cute Little Ones sharing their morning bodily function rituals with me..)

Having pretty much finished my morning toiletries, I crack the door in order to let them in, in case they need litter box, food, or drink. They pop in, calm as can be, and receive the obligatory pet and scratch from said human.

Now, I turn away to perform the last step in my getting ready: Put in my contact lenses.

About this time it is revealed to me that Gracie, mild-mannered fur ball at the Sacks residence, is, in fact, the great super-hero "Spider-Kitty"! She has used her spidey sense to realize that I haven't paid attention to her in all of 45 seconds. Just as both hands are occupied, precariously lining up my contact to apply it to the delicate membrane of my eyeball, Spider-Kitty decides to use her wall-climbing powers to climb up my pant leg in order to reach my shoulders, where additional attention and petting will be had.

The fact that I'm not wearing pants is of no concern to her.

Four sets of claws suddenly embed themselves into the flesh of my shin (who knew that spiders had such sharp claws?). In case you are curious, the human skin on the front of the shins is strong and resilient enough to support the weight of a kitten.

Needless to say, while this may be perfectly natural for Spider-Kitty, this does present more than just a little discomfort on the owner of the aforementioned shin. And did I mention that both hands are pre-occupied with a contact lens? To use my hands to extricate the little furry grappling hook, I run the risk of impaling my eye with my index finger. The only other option that comes to mind (yelling in pain is a given) is to shake the leg, and let gravity aid me in my dilemma.

Ok, Option two it is. A robust shake and Spider-Kitty is removed from my leg. Have you ever noticed that cat claws angle backward? And if they are in a vertical position, the angle of the claws happens to be the same direction as the force of gravity? Ever see flesh peel back so it looks like a bunch of curly fries?

Kitten Stealth Assault

Note to self: On days when I am working from home, and need to be concentrating on the tasks at hand, I must remember when shutting the bedroom door to make sure it is shut tight.

The kittens have discovered the, "use paw to bat open the door" concept.

I can't begin to tell you what a rush of adrenaline you get when you are concentrating on your work, unaware that predator eyes are focused on you from afar... slowly moving in for the kill, approaching undetected..

Having closed in, they accelerate to attack speed. They leap! The rending of flesh...a girly scream... the pattering of galloping kitty-feet leaving the scene of the crime... 

Yes, nothing like being caught totally unaware, having my feet ambushed by two kittens I thought were secure in the bedroom sleeping peacefully. Scared the bejeezus out of me!

October 3, 2011

We let them out into the living room when we are home, and can keep an eye on them. They have a wonderful time exploring the big open spaces... They haven't quite got their "Tile Feet" under them yet... zoom along at top speed, and then fish-tail around the corner.. quite funny.

I dug out an old spray water bottle that we've had under the bathroom sink for years. Cleaned out and filled with water, it was ready for the disciplinary squirt to discourage unacceptable behavior. Sure enough both of them (they like to work together; can do more damage that way) hopped up on the coffee table. Sandy tells them no in a harsh voice first, and puts them down. After a few more times, it's time to break out the squirt bottle.

She takes aim, tell them no, and pulls the trigger...nothing. Squirt..Squirt..Squirt..Squirt.. nothing...it doesn't work. So here's my wife, leaning over the cats, frantically trying to get the bottle to squirt. And the two cats just sitting there (still on the table), looking up at her with a look on their faces like she's some kind of idiot. I'm dying. She finally gets it to squirt, though now it's not at the cats.

September 29, 2011

Went shopping for additional supplies and food. Restocked the canned food, and picked up some dry kitten food as well to start mixing with the soft. Bought a small kitty condo that was on sale, as well as a larger bag of kitty litter.

Put together the kitty condo and introduced it to them. In true feline fashion, they snubbed the condo, and proceeded to play in the box it came in. There are times when a snuff film starts looking like a viable alternative...

September 28, 2011

Another fine morning. I have sated the hunger of the two wombats with a minimum of snuff film sound effects. Shower: check. Shave: check. Brush hair: check. Brush teeth: yyyyyeah...this is apparently their cue to have their VERY healthy morning constitutional... It's amazing how such a big smell can come out of such a small animal... it totally overpowers the minty freshness of Crest. 

I'm convinced that our bedroom must be pressurized. Lately, when you go to check on them, they explode outward in a rush of air the second the door is opened... looks like a double-barrel shotgun shooting cat fur. Time to expand their world, I think...

September 27, 2011

They definitely catch their second wind around 3:00 am. Apparently Grace has decided to annex my wife, staking claim to her favorite perch to curl up and sleep...directly on her face. (Have to admit I found this quite amusing...right up until I am bush-wacked by Jack on the foot I stupidly left exposed from under the covers.)

Oh, and those great kitten toys that Trish so graciously donated to us that they have ignored thus far in favor of a piece of string? They suddenly think they are really, really cool in the middle of the night.. And guess what? THEY MAKE NOISE.

Once they settle down, they curl up on and around Sandy's neck. This is quite cute, until you realize that each cat has a normal body temperature of about 101... Thus emitting enough heat to completely mummify a human if prompt action is not taken. Again, I find this quite entertaining...

September 26, 2011

Monday morning... I am up at 5:30 am. Kittens nowhere in sight... that is, until I navigate to the bathroom. I had this plan of getting a shower, getting dressed, and THEN feeding the wombats... They, however decided otherwise. Quite amazing, actually, how much volume can come from two cute, small, nondescript kittens. 

Not only did they manage to wake up Sandy (which I was trying to avoid), but I'm sure the neighbors now suspect that we produce kitty snuff films on our off hours. All I could think of was, "Feed me, Seymour!" If I waited much longer, I think my life would have been in jeopardy.

September 25, 2011

We have expanded their world from the bathroom, to now include the master bedroom. Lots of fun places to explore! We have learned that they have a particular fondness of toes under the covers...at about 3 am.... Yes, they have quickly managed to navigate their way to the top of the bed.

We have finalized their names: Jack definitely suits him. Grace suits her to a tee.

September 23, 2011

The big arrival came. Two bundles of total cat-cuteness. Me, Sandy, Trish and Trish's friend Sandy (the deliverers of kitten nirvana), all hung out in the master bathroom as we acclimated the kittens into their new environment. I have to admit that was a first. I can honestly say I've never entertained guests in the bathroom before. They seemed to grow accustomed to their new environment with a minimal of fuss.